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KatieC

Co by było, gdyby Ben i chłopcy nie znaleźli Adama na pustyni na koniec odcinka "The Crucible"?

Tekst wisi gdzieś w odmętach forum BonanzaBoomers, ale z chęcią usłyszałabym jeszcze trochę konstruktywnej krytyki Wink

The Blank Page

Chapter 1

Doctor Paul Martin sat down on a chair with a heavy sigh and reached for a newspaper. It was a late evening, but his patients had not allowed him to have that luxury earlier that day. He wished somebody had prepared a cup of hot coffee for him, but he knew he had no choice but to do it himself. He put the newspaper aside, moved his sore feet and grimaced.

Then he heard someone knocking on his door.

“Come in!” he said, resigned.

The door opened, and Paul saw a strange young man.

“Are you a doctor?”

Paul nodded, so the man continued,

“We found an unconscious man on the trail...”

“Bring him in.” Paul sighed again and headed to the cabinet. It seemed he would have no free time that day.

He heard the men enter the room, so without turning to them he ordered,

“Lay him there. What’s happened?”

“We don’t know. We found him about two miles away from Virginia City. He's hurt his head pretty bad. He might have fallen from his horse, we didn’t see any animal, though.”

“Let’s see,” muttered the doctor, finally turning his attention to his patient. He glanced at the man’s pale face and froze.

He had not expected to see that face again. Now, shocked, he was staring at his friend’s son, yet he still could not believe his eyes.

It had been eight months since Adam Cartwright left Eastgate alone, carrying five thousand dollars. Nobody had seen him since that day. Some time later his family had found his gunbelt and his horse. After the weeks of fruitless search the three Cartwrights had to give up and come back to the Ponderosa, knowing that probably their son and brother had been dead and buried under the tons of sand of the desert.

Paul could see Ben’s despair and Hoss's silent grief, but it was Joe whose reaction was the worst. The youngest Cartwright felt guilty because he had let Adam leave Eastgate alone, because he agreed to stop searching and because of all the arguments he had had with his oldest brother since he was a little boy.

While the time had begun slowly healing Ben’s and Hoss's grief, Joe became more and more lost. He had not been a light- hearted, easy going boy he used to be. Instead of playing cards or flirting with girls now he was spending his free time riding alone across the Ponderosa, lost in his dark thoughts. To help his youngest, Ben had sent him with Hoss to San Francisco, hoping that the new places and some entertainment would ease the boy’s pain.

Even though Ben himself had been pretending he was fine, everybody who had known him could see it had not been true. He had already lost three wives. Losing his beloved eldest son was too much for him. Paul Martin, Roy Coffee and a few more friends had tried to spend more time with Ben, especially now, when his two younger sons were gone too. However, Paul could say all his friend wanted was to be left alone with his grief.

And now, after eight months, Adam Cartwright was there, hurt and unconscious, but for sure alive.

“Doc, are you alright?” asked one of the men, having noticed Paul's strange expression.

“Yes... Could you ask the sheriff to come here?”

The man looked at Paul suspiciously, so the doctor added,

“I’d like him to notify the family.”

The man nodded and left the room, his two companions followed him.

Now Paul turned all his attention to his patient. He cleaned and dressed Adam’s wounded head, then made sure there was no more damage. Soon Roy Coffee knocked at his door.

“Howdy, Paul. You wanted to see me.”

“Yes, come in.” Without any explanation he led the sheriff to the room. Roy looked at the bed and froze. Paul thought he had probably had the same expression a few minutes earlier.

To the doctor’s surprise, the first question Roy Coffee asked was,

“Are you sure it’s Adam?”

“Of course it’s him! How could there be anybody looking so much like him?”

“But are you sure?” Roy insisted.

"Yes, Roy, I am. You know him as well as I do. See that scar above his upper lip? He’s had it since he was ten.”

Roy nodded slowly, but he was still staring at Adam with disbelief.

“But how, Paul? It’s been eight months...”

“I don’t know how, but it doesn’t matter. He’s alive. And let’s hope he will soon be able to tell us what's been going on with him all this time.”

“That man told me they found him unconscious on the trail...” the sheriff shook his head helplessly.

“It seems he fell off his horse, but he might have been robbed as well. I’ve checked his pockets, he didn’t have anything with him, no money, no documents, nothing. They haven’t found his horse either.”

“Alright. I’m going to ask those men who found him a few questions. Tell me when he regains consciousness.”

“I will. Could you send someone to the Ponderosa?”

“Sure.”

Roy left and Paul sat down in a chair beside the bed, staring at Adam. The man was looking like always, dark and handsome, although he was a bit pale now. Where had he been for those eight months? Why hadn’t he let his family know he was alive? Paul sighed, knowing he would have to wait for those answers.

More than an hour later the front door opened loudly and Paul heard Ben’s voice.

“Adam? Where are you?”

“Over here.” Paul rose to make space for his friend.

Within a second Ben was kneeling beside the bed.

“Adam, boy, do you hear me? It’s Pa.” There was no response. “Paul, how is he?" he asked, stroking gently his son's cheek. He could hardly believe his son was there alive.

“That wound on his head doesn’t look very serious, but he still hasn’t regained consciousness...”

“Can’t you do anything?”

“I’ve done all I can. Now we have to wait.”

“How did it happen, Paul? How is it possible that he was alive all this time and he didn’t come home, he didn’t even write to us? What’s happened to him?” Ben's voice was shaking, although he tried to hide it.

Paul rested his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“I don’t know, Ben. Adam is the only one who can explain this to us. We have to wait...”

A few hours later Ben Cartwright finally saw something he dreaded he would never see again: his son’s hazel eyes staring at him with recognition.

“Adam...” he whispered. Adam moved his dry lips slightly, but no word escaped it. Ben gently raised his son’s head, helping him drink some cool water. Adam took a few sips, then closed his eyes for a moment. Ben lowered his head back onto the pillow and then he finally heard the word he was yearning for.

“Pa...”

“Yes, son. I’m here.” He squeezed Adam's hand.

"How...” Adam couldn’t understand it. He had just left Eastgate, leaving his youngest brother there. They planned to meet at Signal Rock in three days. What was his father doing there? He should be on the Ponderosa now. How did he make it there so quickly? His head was hurting so much that he couldn't concentrate his thoughts.

“Where’s Joe?” he whispered.

“Joe is in San Francisco, son. He will be here soon,” answered Ben with surprise.

“San Francisco? He was in Eastgate yesterday...”

The surprise on Ben’s face changed into pure shock.

“Adam, Eastgate was long ago...” Soon he realized he had made a mistake. Adam’s eyes widened in shock, his breathing became quicker.

“How long?” he asked quietly.

Paul rushed to the other side of the bed with a glass of medicine in his hand. He tried to make Adam drink it, but Adam turned his head away.

“How long?” he asked louder.

“Eight months,” whispered Ben, knowing he shouldn’t have said it.

Adam stared at him with disbelief and fear.

“Enough” said Paul firmly. “Drink it, son, you need rest.” This time Adam did not protest. Still shocked, he slowly drank the medicine, and soon his eyes closed, his breathing came back to its regular pace.

Ben turned to face his friend.

“Paul, he doesn’t remember anything!”

“I know,” nodded the doctor. “It’s called amnesia. He may recall everything soon or may never recall it as well.” He shrugged. “There’s nothing I can do, Ben.”

“It doesn't matter, Paul. I have my son back alive. It’s more than I could ask for.”

A single tear flowed down Ben’s cheek. Paul tactfully turned away.

KatieC

Chapter 2

Joe and Hoss stopped their horses in the front yard and dismounted. Joe looked at the house and sighed. During the past few weeks he had spent in San Francisco he sometimes had managed to forget, to live as if nothing had happened. Those had been only short moments, but they helped to ease his pain a bit, and he thought that maybe finally he would be able to go on living.

Now he was looking at the place that had been his home for years, and he was afraid to go in. He was afraid to enter the barn and be greeted by Sport’s whinny. He dreaded to go into the house and see the blue chair empty, only three plates on the dinner table, the dusty books on the shelf, untouched for months. He didn’t want to see his father’s smile that never reached his eyes, that were sometimes red from crying for his eldest.

Yes, Ben had cried. The first time ever Joe had seen his father cry had been during Adam’s funeral. They had never found the body, but Ben had decided there should be a symbolic grave to keep Adam’s memory alive.

Seeing his father break down like that had been more than Joe could bear. He had run away in the middle of the ceremony. Hoss had found him a few hours later sitting at the lake and staring out at the water. He had agreed to come back only because he hadn’t wanted to cause his father any more pain.

That night he had the nightmare for the first time.

There was Adam, looking at Joe with hate.

How could you leave me alone?

Adam, I didn’t know, I swear!

If you were there, I wouldn’t have died!

Adam, I wish I was with you, believe me!

You’ve let me down again! You’re not my brother any more!

Adam!!!

But Adam turned his back to Joe and walked away, leaving a trail of blood behind him...

Since then he had had that dream very often, more or less clear. And he knew Adam was right. He should have gone with his brother, to protect him or to die with him.

Hoss squeezed his little brother’s arm in a gesture of reassurance. Joe gave him a slight smile, then took Cochise’s reins and lead it into the barn. Inside, he patted Sport’s neck, trying to forget the man who used to ride the horse. He sighed again, so loud Hoss sent him a surprised look. Joe shrugged and turned his attention to Cochise.

After taking care of the horses, Joe let Hoss lead him into the house. He recalled Adam saying once, "If you’re afraid of something and you give up to that fear, you’ll never be able to do it again."

He took a deep breath and called,

“Hi, Pa! We’re back!”

“Howdy, Little Brother.”

Joe looked at the blue chair and froze in shock. Hoss, who had been following him and hadn’t heard Adam’s response, now cursed,

“Dadburnit, Joe! Do you have to stand in the middle of my way?”

“Hello, Hoss. Nice to see you,” said Adam matter-of-factly and almost laughed seeing his brothers’ expressions. Soon his smile faded away as Joe’s chin begun to tremble dangerously. Adam slowly rose and said softly,

“It’s me. I’m alive.”

Joe shook his head. Hoss was staring at Adam with an opened mouth.

Ben came out of the kitchen in the middle of this scene. However, he didn’t notice Hoss and Joe still standing near the door.

“Adam, sit down! I’ve let you leave the bed for a while under one condition and I think you remember it!”

“Pa...”

“No Pa's! You’ll start to do what the doctor said or you’ll go back to your bedroom!”

It had been only a few days since Adam came back home, and Ben still couldn’t believe his eldest was really there. He would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night just to go to Adam’s bedroom and check if he was still there. Adam had noticed Ben was treating him as if he was a little child again, but knowing what his father had been through recently, he didn’t protest.

This time Joe was more important to Adam though. He made a few steps towards his brother and stopped. He started to feel dizzy again. Within a second, Ben was beside his son, helping him to sit down. Now he had finally noticed Joe and Hoss, and his anger melted away.

“Joe, Hoss, come here. Adam is fine.”

“Adam...” said Joe finally, his voice silent and shaking.

“Yes, Little Joe. I’m here, everything’s fine.”

“Adam!” he screamed and run to his brother, burying his face in Adam’s chest. Adam hugged Joe tightly. Hoss approached them without a word and put his strong arms around both his brothers.

Ben blinked several times to get rid of the tears that filled his eyes again and smiled.

"Thank you, God," he whispered. Thanks to God, everything was fine now.

Chapter 3

Paul Martin visited the Ponderosa five days later. There was nothing more he could do to help, though; Adam’s head was healing very well. However, he still didn’t remember anything from the past eight months.

It frustrated him very much. Previous days he had spent lying in his bed or sitting on the blue chair, which gave him enough time to kill himself with thoughts. No matter how hard he tried, he could not recall what had happened after he had left Eastgate. He felt more and more lost and annoyed at the same time. Where had he been all that time? What had he been doing? How would he live without knowing the answers to these questions? He wanted to go back to Eastgate, but soon he realized it was pointless. When his family was looking for him there, they had not found anything. He had left Eastgate for sure, then he had been probably robbed somewhere between the town and Signal Rock. Whatever had happened then, there were no witnesses, except for the sand and rocks...

His thoughts were stopped by Paul Martin’s voice.

“I’m going to wire my old friend, Dr. Thomas Kane. He knows more than I about head injuries...”

Kane. The name seemed familiar to Adam. Suddenly, he saw an image of a face with crazy eyes. It was there for a few seconds, then disappeared, leaving so many questions in Adam’s head. Was this man Kane? And even if it was really his name, who was he? Adam tried to recall the emotions he felt seeing that face. There was fear, he realized. Whoever this man was, Adam was afraid of him. He wished he knew why.

“Adam, are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” he lied. He decided he wouldn’t tell his family. He still didn’t remember almost anything, he didn't even know what was what he remembered... Why should he give his father false hope....

That night, he saw that face again. This time it lasted longer. He could see the man’s eyes filled with madness, his gray hair and even wrinkles on his forehead. And then the man spoke,

Are you still so sure of yourself, Mr. Cartwright? Don’t you want to kill me yet?

Adam suddenly sat on the bed, all covered with sweat. Kane! The man who tormented him, who wanted him to fell like an animal, to prove he was a better man. The man who almost made Adam kill him. Now he remembered every single detail about Peter Kane. He laid down on the pillow and closed his eyes, still breathing heavily. But Kane still was there, laughing devilishly.

“No! Leave me alone, Kane!”

“Adam! Adam, wake up!” Kane’s face slowly changed into Joe’s. “Adam, what’s wrong? You were screaming. Was it a nightmare?”

Adam nodded, still unable to speak. He sat, still shaking.

Joe was looking at Adam with shock. It was the first time he had seen his strong older brother like that. Not sure what to do, he gently took Adam’s hand in his, just like his brother used to do for him years ago. Adam smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

“Thank you, Joe. I’m fine now.”

“Who is Kane?”

Adam didn’t answer.

“Adam? You were screaming ‘Kane, leave me alone’.“ Joe looked closer at his oldest brother. “Did you recall something?”

How should he answer? He was sure he didn’t want to talk about Kane with anybody. He concentrated on his memories and realized he still didn’t remember what had happened after he had left the mine with unconscious Kane. Maybe he would recall more soon, or maybe not...

“Adam?” urged Joe.

“Listen, Joe. I don’t remember too much. Just a few days more. I remember the moment I was robbed and then... I didn’t have anything, no horse, no gun, no water. I was walking all day till I found a gold mine...”

“There you met that Kane fellow?”

“Yes... I spent some time in his mine... and then we left together.” He closed his eyes, all that had happened in Kane’s mine alive again in his memory. "And that’s all, Joe. I don’t remember anything more.”

“Maybe you will soon.”

“Maybe... Joe, don’t tell Pa or Hoss about it.”

“But why?” Joe gave his bother strange look.

Because I don’t want to talk about it.

“Because it isn’t much, really. I don’t want to give them any false hope. I may never remember where I was during those eight months.

“But Adam...”

“No buts. I ask you for one thing. Is it too much?”

“No.” Seeing Joe’s hurt expression, Adam felt even worse.

“Joe, I’ll be fine. Go to sleep,” he said softly, not really knowing what to say.

“Are you sure? Maybe you want me to stay here?

“Joe! I can hardly stand Pa and Hoss fussing over me. Do you have to do it too?”

Joe finally smiled and rose.

“Goodnight, Adam.”

“Goodnight, Little Brother.”

Hearing Joe’s bedroom door close, Adam left the bed and sat down in a chair. He was afraid of going back to sleep, knowing he would see Kane again.

He kept on thinking about all he remembered now, trying to guess what he didn’t know. Had Kane survived? Had Adam been with him the last eight months? Was that why he hadn’t contacted his family? And the most important question: had he finally killed Kane to escape? It seemed to be the most possible answer, even if it meant he had failed. He had been proved he was no better than an animal. But then he realized he had failed for sure, a long time earlier, when he attacked Kane in the mine. He had been driven to the verge. He had wanted to kill, it didn’t matter if he succeeded or not.

And what if he was wrong? What if he had spent that time somewhere else? Kane could have died on the desert, he could have survived, but, for example, get arrested... However, these explanations didn’t make too much sense for Adam. Kane had prevented him once from answering to his father’s calls. He had been the only one who could prevent Adam from letting his family know he was alive, from coming back home.

But he would never know for sure. There was always the possibility everything had been different from what he suspected.

There was only one way to find out. He had to go back to Kane’s mine. But even thinking of it gave Adam a way down shiver. Going back to that place would mean facing all he went through there, facing all he had done or could have done, all that had been done to him.

He closed his eyes and wiped his face with his hand.

If you’re afraid of something and you give up to that fear, you will never be able to do it again.

He had told it to Joe many times. And now it couldn’t help him. He was terrified of even the thought of going back to the mine. It didn’t matter how hard he was telling himself he had to do it if he wanted to find an answer. He knew he was not able to do it.

Rika

Mroczny odcinek. Im bardziej się zagłębiamy w przeżycia Adama, tym bardziej potrafi przenicować duszę. Ciekawe, co wymyśliłaś. Czy wspomnienia, których jeszcze nie zna okażą się równie przerażające jak te, które już sobie uświadomił?

KatieC

Chapter 4

After two nights of no sleep and a day of killing himself with thoughts that hadn’t lead him anywhere, Adam was on the verge of exhaustion. Glad that the doctor had finally said he was all right, he saddled Sport, hoping that a lonely ride would help him to clear his head. It wasn’t easy to convince his family to leave him alone, though. Since he came back home, his father and brothers hadn’t abandoned him for longer than five minutes. Understanding their reasons and feeling guilty for all they had gone through because of him, Adam had been bearing with their overprotectiveness with an angel’s patience. Today he felt he just couldn't stand it any longer.

“I’m a grown man and I’m sick of you three fussing over me! I want to finally be left alone. Is that understood?” he snapped and mounted Sport without waiting for their answers.

Soon he regretted the way he treated his family, but there was no way to change it. Finally being alone didn’t help him, and the feeling of guilt made him feel even worse. His head started to ache again, images and thoughts whirling like scared cattle. He found it hard to concentrate. He still couldn’t make the decision whether to go back to Kane’s mine. Everything inside his head was telling him he had to do it. If not to find an answer, then to overcome his fear. The image of Peter Kane was haunting him day and night. He was angry with himself for the fear he couldn’t fight. Being aware that he had no idea what had been going on with him for eight months made him feel even more miserable.

He sighed heavily and smelled the fresh air. He realized he was near the lake and decided to visit Marie’s grave for the first time in months. He remembered how often his stepmother would go to the lake when she was upset. She used to say that place had its own magic that helped her to calm down. Later, Little Joe had inherited that habit, although, for him, the reason was rather his mother’s grave than the beauty and magic of the place.

Soon Adam saw dark blue water sparkling joyfully in the sun. After a few seconds of feasting his eyes with a beautiful sight which, as Ben would often say, could approach Heaven itself, he finally turned his attention to the lonely grave on the shore. To his surprise, Marie’s grave was no longer alone. There were two tombstones now. He came closer to read the caption on the one he hadn’t seen there before.

It said,

Adam Cartwright
1830 – 1862
Loving son and brother
Requiescat In Pace.

A few minutes later Adam was still staring at the stone in shock. Suddenly he felt somebody’s hand on his shoulder. He slowly turned around and looked at Hoss’s worried face.

“Howdy, big brother. I was afraid you might want to come here, so I went after you.” Adam noticed Hoss was avoiding his gaze.

“Hoss, did you...” he stopped. What a stupid question! He already knew they had thought he was dead.

“I’m sorry, Adam. We were sure you... Pa said he didn’t want you to be forgotten...”

“It’s alright, Hoss. I’m... Well, I’m glad you did it. I mean, I’d be glad if I were dead,” said Adam softly.

“I’m so sorry, Adam. We shouldn’t’ve...” Hoss looked at his feet.

“Shouldn’t have made it? Hoss, I told you...”

“No! We shouldn’t’ve stopped searching! We shouldn’t’ve given up on ya!’ For the first time Hoss looked directly at Adam, hurt and anger filling his blue eyes.

“Come on, Hoss. You couldn’t have spent the rest of your lives looking for me. There was a very slight possibility I was alive.”

“But you were! And it was my fault. It was me who told them to stop!”

“You had no chioce, Hoss. I’m glad you did it. Listen to me, you’ve always been the strongest, and I don’t mean only physical strength. Even if they wanted to spend the rest of their lives on that desert looking for me, you were the one to stop them, to take care of them. Do you understand me?” Hoss nodded slowly, so Adam continued,” Probably you wouldn’t have found me anyway.” He stopped for a while. Had they stopped searching before he had left the mine or after that? It didn’t matter now, though. Adam sent Hoss a reassuring smile and said, “Come on, little brother. Let’s go home.”

~*~

Next time he was in Virginia City, Adam decided to visit Roy Coffee. The sheriff had been to the Ponderosa once, but Adam was in no shape for the longer talk back then.

Roy was very glad to see his friend in such a good condition again. Soon they were sitting comfortably in Roy’s office, talking about everything that happened in Virginia City during the last months. Finally Roy asked,

“You still don’t remember anything?”

“No, I don’t” Adam shook his head, avoiding Roy’s gaze.

After a few seconds of silence, Adam slowly raised his head and looked into the sheriff’s eyes. He realized Roy knew he was lying. He looked at the floor again and, surprising even himself, he started to talk.

“After I left Eastgate I was robbed by two men. They took my horse and water. I had to walk a few hours till I came across a gold mine. There was a man named Kane. Peter Kane. He had only one mule and told me he needed it, so finally we made a deal: I would work for him for three days and then he would lend me the mule. But after 3 days he killed the mule and... He was crazy, Roy. I had to work for him. He had the rifle and, what’s more important, he had food and water. Then I discovered there was no gold in the mine, nothing! I had to fight him to escape... He was unconscious, I couldn’t leave him there, so I made the travois and we left the mine... That’s all I remember, Roy.” He hid his face with his hands. It took him a few seconds to gather his courage and look again at his friend. Roy’s face was impenetrable. “ I told it not to the sheriff but to the friend, alright?”

Roy nodded. He felt Adam wasn’t telling him the whole truth, but he decided not to press on him, but just accept what he had got.

“One thing more. My family doesn’t know about it and I’d rather it stayed that way.”

“Alright, as you wish, Adam. I know the sheriff of Eastgate. Do you want me to wire him and ask about Kane?”

“No, thank you. I’ve decided I’ll go to Eastgate myself. Maybe I’ll find something there.”

“I’ll give you a letter to Max Wilson, the sheriff of Eastgate. If you need any help, just go and ask him.”

“Thank you very much, Roy.”

Going back to the Ponderosa, Adam was already making plans for his trip. Talking with Roy Coffee had helped him make up his mind. He had realized nobody could do it for him; sooner or later he would have to go back there. He knew himself well enough to know he wouldn’t be able to live without knowing the answer, aware of the fact he might have found it if only he had enough courage.

Announcing his decision to his family was almost as hard as making it, though. Ben tried to convince his eldest he wasn’t well enough to travel yet. The truth was he was afraid of letting his son go such a short time after he had come back. However, he understood how important it was for Adam to find out what had been going on with him during the past eight months and finally he gave his son his permission.

Adam thought it was the end of the battle, but soon he regretted thinking it when Hos and Joe started arguing which one of them would go with him.

“Wait a minute! I didn’t tell you I was looking for a companion, did I?”

“But Adam, you can’t go alone!” protested Hoss.

“I can and I will.”

“Listen to me, son. I can spare one of your brothers. There’s no need for you to go by yourself,” Ben tried to convince him.

“I know, Pa. But I want to go by myself. Please, understand me and stop arguing, because I won’t change my mind anyway.”

Ben knew that tone of voice very well. Once Adam made up his mind, there was no point arguing with him any more. Stubborness was certainly a thing that all the Cartwrights had in common.

About an hour later Adam was cleaning Sport’s stall when Hoss entered the barn. Adam nodded towards his brother and went back to work, waiting for Hoss to speak first. However, Hoss was quiet, just sitting and observing his brother work. A few minutes later he finally spoke,

“Adam, I wanted to talk with you ‘bout that trip to Eastgate.”

“I‘ve already told you you’re not going with me.”

“I know, but... I think you should take Joe with you.”

“Joe? One hour ago you would do anything to made me let you go with me, and now you want me to take Joe? How did he bribe you?” Adam smirked.

“It’s just... Adam, you didn’t see how miserable he was when you were gone. He felt so guilty he didn’t go with you. I think he still does. Maybe if you let him go with you, you’ll be able to convince him it wasn’t his fault.”

“Of course it wasn’t his fault!”

“He doesn’t know it.”

Adam sighed. He really didn’t want anyone to keep him company on that trip, but he had to admit Hoss was probably right. Adam had noticed that Little Joe had changed. He was more responsible now, less eager to argue with his oldest brother. Adam suspected it was because of his “death”, but he didn’t realize that what he thought was maturity, could really be a show of guilt.

“I’ll think about it,” he promised Hoss.

Later that evening, when he finally managed to be alone with his youngest brother, Adam said,

“Joe, I changed my mind. I’d like you to come with me.”

“Why?” Joe looked at him with surprise.

“I thought you wanted to go.”

“Yes, I do. But it’s not like you to change your mind, big brother.”

“Well, this time I did. Are you coming with me or not?”

“Of course I am.” Joe finally smiled.

“Good boy.”

“What did you say?”

“I said ‘good boy’,” teased Adam, expecting Joe would react like always, starting an argument.

To his surprise, Joe nodded and said calmly,

“Alright, when are you planning to set off?”

“On Monday. “

“Fine by me. Goodnight, Adam.”

“Good night, Joe.” smiled Adam, and turned his gaze to the yellow and red flames in the fireplace.

Chapter 5

The trip to Eastgate didn’t bring the answers Adam was looking for. Several people had seen him leaving the town but nobody had seen him come back. The two men who had robbed him were dead now and nobody had known Peter Kane. The sheriff was the only one who had heard about the lonely miner who seemed a bit strange, but as he had never broken the law, even he couldn't tell Adam more about the man.

The second evening in Eastgate the two brothers were sitting in the saloon and enjoying their beer, when Adam announced he was planning to leave the town the next day.

“Do you want to give up?” asked Joe reproachfully.

“We’re not giving up. We’re just switching the battlefield.” answered Adam calmly, taking another sip of beer.

“You mean the desert?”

“Yeah, I mean the desert.”

Joe waited a few seconds, but since his brother didn’t continue, he said,

“How can you expect to find anything there,it’s been eight months! Wouldn’t it be better to visit other towns in the neighborhood?”

“Well, I didn't mean the desert exactly...”

“You want to go to that mine you told me about?” guessed Joe. “Do you think this Kane may help you?”

“Maybe.” answered Adam noncommittally.

Joe knew his brother well enough to know he wouldn’t tell him anything more now, so he didn’t ask. Soon he turned all his attention to the two pretty girls who had just entered the saloon. He thought that maybe Eastgate wasn’t such a bad town after all.

They planned to leave Eastgate the next morning, but then Adam wanted to talk with the sheriff once more. It was around noon when they finally set off. When Adam decided to let the horses rest again, although they had covered only a few miles, Joe realized his brother was prolonging their trip on purpose. However, he decided not to say anything, trusting Adam knew what he was doing. When the sun had set, they were forced to make their camp in the middle of nowhere. Adam wasn’t very eager to talk that evening, so they ate in silence and soon they both fell asleep.

About an hour before dawn, Adam sat quietly and glanced at his brother. Joe was soundly asleep on his side. It was still very dark and quite cold, but Adam put the blanket aside and rose slowly. Trying not to make too much noise, he reached for his saddlebag for the notebook. He took a piece of paper from it, wrote a short note and slid it under Joe’s arm. Then he quietly saddled Sport and led him into the darkness. When he decided they were far enough from the camp, Adam mounted and rode away.

Soon the darkness faded away, and the sun begun to set. Adam was still riding forwards without thinking about the route, as if he was in a sort of trance. Suddenly, Sport stopped and snorted. Adam shook his head like a man who had just woken up after a long sleep. A few yards in front of them there was a precipice and down there he could see a familiar mine. He turned Sport back and looked for a way down the cliff. Soon he found it and urged his horse to trot.

Now he began to wonder if he had done the right thing leaving Joe. He had been sure he didn’t want anyone to see his reaction to the place. He knew he wouldn't be able to hide his emotions. Now, though, he almost yearned for someone to be here with him. For a short moment, he wanted to turn away, but he managed to restrain himself from doing so. He knew if he could get this far, giving up now would be the biggest failure, something he would never be able to forgive himself.

Down he dismounted and slowly moved forward. He was looking around with some strange kind of fascination. He continued walking, as if there was some invisible power leading him.

The mine looked just like it had the day he’d left it. The canopy, the little table, now all covered with dust. There was even the dead mule’s skeleton still lying in the sun. It seemed obvious no one had been there for months.

Adam was staying still, looking at the canopy, as if he was expecting Kane to show up at any moment, pointing his rifle at him and ordering him to work as a pack mule.

I can’t stand it again, he thought. If he tells me again I’m no better than him, no better than an animal, I’m going to kill him!

“I have to kill him,” he whispered. “Oh no, I can’t do it! But if he... I’ll have to... No!” he yelled and started to run. Suddenly, he heard a noise behind him. He turned quickly and saw Kane standing there, looking at him with both hate and satisfaction.

“Not ready to kill yet?”

“You won’t humiliate me again! I won’t let you! I’ll kill you if I have to!” Adam yelled and pounced on him.

~*~

Joe woke up soon after the dawn with a feeling that something was wrong. Soon he realized his older brother was gone. He called Adam’s name a few times, but there was no answer. Sport and the saddle were missing too, so it became obvious Adam had left without him. He looked around the camp once more, and then he noticed a piece of paper lying on his bedrolls.

This is a trip I wanted to make alone. Please, wait for me in the camp. I should be back before evening. I’m sorry I left this way. Adam.

Joe stared at the note for a while, not sure what to do. He knew very well that doing something against Adam’s will, especially in this situation, wasn’t a very wise idea. On the other hand, he had let Adm go alone once, and the whole family was suffering the consequences of it now. A bit afraid of the argument he for sure would have with his brother, he decided to go go after Adam, even if it meant exposing himself to his danger.

When Joe made up his mind, he would always acted quickly. He gathered his things, saddled Cochise and set off in the direction Kane’s mine was supposed to be.

After a while he managed to find Sport’s tracks in the soft sand and he followed them. The sun was already high in the sky when he finally arrived at the mine. He immediately spotted Sport tied to a bone- dry bush nearby. He dismounted and looked around.

A few seconds later he saw his brother walking towards him.

“Howdy, Adam. Is everything ok?" he asked, but Adam seemed not to recognize him.

Joe came closer and reached to touch his brother’s arm, but Adam made one step back and shouted,

“You won’t humiliate me again! I won’t let you! I’ll kill you if I have to!”

“Adam? It’s me, Joe...”

But Adam didn’t listen to him. Within a second, he jumped toward Joe and pinned him to the ground. Joe pushed him away, trying to avoid his fists.

“Stop it! Adam! It’s me, Joe!” he shouted again. For a few seconds he was looking directly into Adam’s eyes and what he saw there seemed like pure madness. Without a second's thought, he slapped his brother across the face. Adam released his grip on Joe’s shirt and blinked several times.

“Joe?” he whispered in shock as he realized what he had just been doing. “Where is he?”

“Who?” asked Joe, surprised.

“Kane! He is here. He has to be!”

“Just look around, big brother. Nobody had been here for months. Whatever happened to that Kane, he left this place long ago.”

Joe was looking at Adam’s face with fear, but to his relief his brother nodded slowly. Whatever had been wrong with him seemed to have passed, and he was finally coming back to his senses. He took a few deep breaths and said calmly,

“I’m sorry, Joe. I think you’re right. There’s nobody here. Come on, let’s go back.”

Joe didn’t say anything. They found their horses and mounted in silence. Joe hoped when they were away from the place, Adam would start to behave like himself again.

However, even though they were far away from the mine, Adam was still urging Sport to gallop, and he didn’t seem to want to slow down. After observing his brother for a while, Joe thought that maybe his brother was in a sort of trance. He gathered his courage and said,

“Adam, the horses are tired. Maybe we should and rest for a while?”

“What?” Adam raised his head and gave Joe the same unconscious glance as before.

“I said the horses need rest.”

“Alright, we'll stop here. I think we can use a bit of a rest too,” said Adam and he smiled slightly.

They were sitting in silence, both lost in their thoughts. Finally Joe asked quietly,

“Adam, are you mad at me that I went after you?”

“No, Joe, of course I’m not mad at you,” answered Adam.

You should be, thought Little Joe, but he didn’t say it out loud. Among everything his brother had done that day that was definitely out of character for him, this little thing didn’t seem very important.

Joe recalled the words Adam shouted at him back in the mine. What had happened to his usually so calm and reserved brother? Did it have something to do with the man named Kane? He thought about the night Adam had his nightmare. He had been shouting Kane, leave me alone! What had this man done to Adam? As far as he remembered, Joe had never seen his brother in such a state of mind. He had to admit that today he behaved as if he were crazy. Luckily, now he seemed to be back to his normal self, but Joe was still not sure how to behave to not cause that strange outburst again. He wanted to ask Adam about Kane; he needed to know what was wrong with his brother to help him. However, he was afraid his questions would somehow hurt him. His brother never liked to show his feelings and emotions. Sometimes when things became too hard to figure out on his own, Adam would talk with Hoss, more seldom with his father, but never with Joe. Joe suspected it was because of the age difference, which made Adam usually treat Joe more like a child he was responsible for than an equal partner. Now Joe didn’t want to spoil that new kind of relationship that had grown between him and his oldest brother recently, so he finally decided he wouldn’t ask Adam any questions.

His previous guilt didn’t seem so important to him now when compared with his brother’s problems. Joe even wondered if he shouldn’t have let Hoss go with Adam. Maybe their middle brother would help Adam deal with his problems, like he always did. Nevertheless, he was here alone, and he had promised Adam to keep everything he knew a secret. He would have to manage alone.

If only I knew what do, he thought.

~*~

Adam noticed Joe was staring at him. He could guess what his brother was thinking. He recalled Joe’s shocked expression back in the mine, and he was angry with himself for his uncontrolled reaction.

I could’ve hurt him so easily, he thought with guilt.

He had been so sure he'd seen Kane and had immediately forgotten about everything else. He had felt like a trapped animal, one that had to kill to survive. Although it had been over eight months since the events in the mine, Kane’s spirit was still haunting him. Remembering all that happened earlier that day, he had to admit again that Kane had won. Even though he hadn’t killed him back then, he was still ready do do it now. And he had been so close to it today...

Did I become crazy like him? he asked himself and he couldn’t find the right answer.

~*~

Sheriff Roy Coffee heard the knocking at his door for the third time this afternoon. He rose, hoping it wouldn’t be a case like “Jeff stole my beer so I punched him” again. He liked his job and wouldn’t switch it into anything else, but sometimes some people's stupidity would make anybody wish he could leave it all and make a long, long trip, for example to China. Today was exactly one of those days for Roy, so when he opened the door he shot the person behind it a warning glance. However, after looking at the stranger he made a step back and smiled widely.

“Good morning, Sir. You’re the sheriff of Virginia City, aren’t you? I thought that maybe you could help me.”

It was a beautiful young woman with dark red hair and enormous green eyes.

In a much better mood, Roy let his guest in.

“How can I help you, Ma’am?”

“My name’s Kelly Johnson. I’m looking for my husband, Steve. He should’ve come to Virginia City a few weeks ago, but I can’t find any sign of him and I’m worried.”

“Did you and your husband plan to meet here?” asked Roy, showing his guest to a chair.

“No, he didn’t know I was coming.”

“Maybe he changed his plans then?”

“No, I’m sure he came to Virginia City.”

“Was it a business trip?”

“No, it was a rather personal matter.”

“Could you tell me more about it?”

“Well, it’s a long story...” she started, but was cut off by someone’s knocking.

“Excuse me, Ma’am,” muttered Roy reluctantly, rising from his chair behind the desk. Even though he didn’t think something serious might have happened to Mrs. Johnson's husband, he found helping the attractive woman more interesting than an intervention in another saloon fight.

To his surprise the men behind the door were Adam and Hoss Cartwright.

“Howdy, boys. Adam, I didn’t know you were already back.”

“Yeah, we came back yesterday.”

“Did you find anything?”

“No,” answered Adam shortly.

“Come in,” Roy turned and led his new guests inside. He hoped that maybe the Cartwrights had heard about Mr. Johnson and could help find him.

When they reached Roy’s office, Adam noticed a woman sitting with her back to him.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you had a guest.”

Hearing Adam’s voice the woman first turned her head and then stood up and rushed towards him.

“It’s you! I missed you so much!” she put her arms around the shocked Adam and kissed him with passion.
“Excuse me, Ma’am, but who are you?” asked Hoss, puzzled.

Kelly finally turned from the stunned Adam and looked at Hoss and the sheriff.

“I’m his wife,” she answered simply.

KatieC

Chapter 6

Eight months earlier

Two tired horses were slowly pulling the wagon across the desert. It was a late afternoon and they still had a few miles to cover, so the old man in the wagon was impatiently urging the animals to to further their efforts. Apart from him, there was only a young woman, probably the man’s daughter as they both had big green eyes and curly hair, even though her's was a bit lighter than his.

It was the woman who noticed them first.

“Look, Papa. There’s somebody lying there!”

The man stopped the horses and handed the reins to his daughter.

“Stay here,” he said , but she left the wagon without waiting for him. He shook his head and followed her.

She approached the dark haired man lying with his face buried in the sand. She gently turned him onto his back. His face was all covered with dirt and blood. Seeing it, she she reflexively moved , but after a while, she rested it on the man’s chest. It was rising and falling rhythmically.

“Is he alive?” Her father approached them.

“Yes, he is. What’s with the other one?”

“Dead,” he answered shortly. “Go get the water, Kelly.”

She nodded and ran to the wagon. Within a second she was back. She gently poured the cool liquid into the man’s throat. He frowned, coughed several times, but he didn’t open his eyes. Together they dressed the wound on the man’s head before managing to carry him back to the wagon.

“Wait here, and I’ll take care of the body,” said the old man reaching for a shovel.

“You can’t do this alone, Papa!” protested Kelly.

“I can’t let you touch the dead man, child!”

Kelly looked at her feet. Her father was right. She was strong enough to look at the blood, but she doubted if she would dare to look at the body, and even thinking about touching it made her feel sick. She gulped heavily and nodded.
“If you need me, just call me, Papa. Alright?”

He only smiled and left her alone with the unconscious man. She turned her attention to him now, and she realized she was looking straight into dark hazel eyes.

“How do you feel?” she asked, her voice a little bit shaky.

He moaned softly and closed his eyes. Kelly reached for the canteen and gently raised his head. He drank thirstily, but he didn’t open his eyes again.

He has really beautiful eyes, she thought. Now she realized the man was quite handsome, with his dark curly hair, tanned skin and muscular body. Then she heard her father coming back. I shouldn’t be thinking like this, she blushed and turned her head to prevent her father from seeing the color of her cheeks. Luckily, he was so tired he didn’t notice her expression. Without saying a word, he took the reins and urged the animals to move.

~*~

Kelly was sitting in a rocking chair beside the bed. They had come back home a few hours earlier, and she'd finally convinced her father to get some rest. The man was still unconscious. To her surprise, she found it a pleasure watching him, looking at his handsome face, tanned skin, long eyelashes and short dark beard.

She tried to guess who he was. His clothes, although dirty and ripped, were rather western style, so maybe he was a cowboy? She imagined him sitting on a big black horse, a lasso in his hand and a gun in a holster on his hip. He would work with the cattle all the day long and evenings spend in the saloon, drinking whiskey and playing cards or maybe dancing with the girls... No, she decided she didn’t like that vision. After all, he didn’t even look like a simple cowboy. Maybe he was a wealthy rancher with a tons of cows and lots of land? He wouldn’t work but just give the orders to his hands, and evenings he would spend, not in the ordinary saloon, but in his big mansion with his wife and children... No, that idea wasn’t any better. He was too young for it, anyway, wasn’t he?

Suddenly, Kelly realized the dark hazel eyes were staring straight at her again.

“Who are you?” he asked, his voice very quiet and hoarse.

“My name’s Kelly Johnson. My father and I found you unconscious in the desert. Do you remember what happened to you?”

“No.”

“It’s alright, you’ve hurt your head pretty bad. What’s your name?”

“I...” he stopped and frowned. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I don’t remember.”

She looked at him with shock, but then forced a smile and said calmly,

“Don’t worry. You’ll probably recall everything soon. Now you should rest.”

She wasn’t even sure if he heard her, because before she finished the sentence, his eyes were closed again, and he was deeply asleep.

Kelly rose and walked to the window.

I hope he does,she thought, positioning herself on a windowsill. Her grandfather was a doctor, and both she and her father had learned many things from him. She knew very well what amnesia was and that there were no cure for it. You just had enough luck to recover from it, or you would spend the rest of your life not knowing who you were.

Next morning, Kelly checked on the man again, and since he was still asleep, she started cleaning the kitchen floor. Suddenly, she heard a deep baritone saying,

“Do you need help?”

She turned around and saw their guest standing in the doorway. He was leaning across the door frame, and Kelly realized he must have been watching her for some time. He had found the clothes Mr. Johnson had left for him, and she had to admit that despite the pale face and the bandage on his head, he looked much better than all the men she knew.

“Thank you, but I don’t think you’d be able to help me.” She smiled and stood up. “I see you’re feeling better today.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“So did you...?”

“No,” he bitterly cut her off. “I don’t remember my name, I don’t know how I got here. I don’t have any idea who I am!” He shook his head.

Kelly didn’t know what to answer, so she waited a few seconds and then asked simply,

“Are you hungry?”

“Sure I am, Ma’am.”

“Not Ma’am, plain Kelly. Sit down, you look as if you're going to fall. I’ll fix something for you.”

He sat down in a the chair at the large dining table and observed how she quickly gathered all the supplies and placed them on a plate in front of him.

“How long was I unconscious?” he asked after finishing his breakfast.

“We found you yesterday afternoon. You weren’t unconscious all the time, just the first few hours. Then you would wake up from time to time, ask for water and fall asleep just after drinking it, without even opening your eyes. I don’t know how one can drink so much water. You must have spent many hours in the desert.”

“Maybe,” he answered laconically.

“Sorry, I’m talking too much,” she realized with a blush.

“Don’t worry, I like listening to you,” he smiled.

“I’ve been talking for only a few minutes. You can’t say you already like it!” she protested.

“If so, why are you worried?” he grinned.

“Did nobody tell you women are always right?” she teased.

“I don’t know...” he smiled slightly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to upset you again.”

“You didn’t. And you know, you’re a very good cook.”

“Oh, am I?” she felt her cheeks blush again.

What am I doing? she thought. He'll think I’m a total idiot!

’What is this?”

She followed his gaze and looked at the opened book laying on the cupboard.

“It’s just a book.”

“Yeah. I see it’s a book. I’ve lost my memory, not my mind. I’m asking about the title.”

“It’s just Tennyson’s poetry. I was reading it before breakfast...”

“Which one?”

“’The Day- Dream.’”

“Ah.” He smiled mysteriously, and Kelly noticed he had beautiful dimples.

It was all she managed to notice till he started to recite.

“O Lady Flora, let me speak:
A pleasant hour has passed away
While, dreaming on your damask cheek,
The dewy sister-eyelids lay.
As by the lattice you reclined,
I went thro’ many wayward moods
To see you dreaming–and, behind,
A summer crisp with shining woods.
And I too dream’d, until at last
Across my fancy, brooding warm,
The reflex of a legend past,
And loosely settled into form.”

”That’s the irony, isn’t it?” He smiled bitterly. “I remember Tennyson's poems very well, but obviously I have forgotten my own name.”

“You talk as if you thought it’s your fault that you have amnesia. Your head isn’t well yet. Maybe the memories will come back with time.”

“And maybe not.”

“You just have to be more patient. And meanwhile, if you want, I could give you a name. What do you think?”

“You need something to call me, don’t you? Alright, what would you suggest?”

She tilted her head and looked at him for a while.

“What about Steve?” she said finally.

“Do I look like a Steve?” he asked jokingly.

“I like that name!” Kelly protested seriously.

“Alright, fine by me. I may be Steve.” agreed the man.

“Fine then. Steve, you’d better go back to bed. You're still pretty weak.

“That’s what I needed the name for, to have a woman rule me,” he teased, but obediently went to the bedroom.

~*~

Steve was getting better and better all the time, but he still didn’t remember anything about his past. Soon he began to help the Johnsons on their farm. Thomas Johnson protested first when he saw his guest chopping wood, but soon he had to admit that the younger man was a huge help to him. Steve hadn't regained his full strength yet, though, and once in a while Kelly had to stop him from working too hard.

When he was well enough, the Johnsons took Steve back to the desert and showed him the grave of his companion, but even seeing the place he was found in didn’t make his memories come back to him.

The Johnsons quickly got used to their new companion, so it was a big surprise to them when one evening Steve announced he wanted to leave.

“But why?” protested Kelly. “I thought you would stay with us. You don’t have anywhere to go, anyway.” She bit her tongue realizing she shouldn’t have said that last sentence.

“Yes.” Mr. Johnson backed his daughter up. “You can stay here as long as you wish.”

“Thank you, Mr. Johnson, but I’ve already been using your hospitality long enough. It’s time I moved on.”

“Where are you planning to go?” asked Mr. Johnson.

“I’m not sure yet. I think I’ll go to town and try to find me a job.”

“You don’t have to look for anything, Steve! You have a home here!” Kelly was almost shouting now.

Thomas Johnson suddenly went pale. Steve noticed his shocked expression and asked,

“Are you alright, Mister?”

“Yes... Excuse me, I’d like to go to bed. I’m tired.” He stood up and left quickly.

When they were alone Steve asked Kelly,

“There was a reason why you gave me that name, wasn't there?"

“I told you I liked it.” she answered unsurely.

“I’m not blind, I saw your father’s reaction.Who is Steve?"

Kelly slowly turned away. After a long while of silence, she answered quietly,

“He was my older brother.”

“Was?”

“Two years ago he left us. He wanted to see the world, to learn new things. He never came back. He was robbed and killed in San Francisco. The words I just used... Papa said it when Steve was leaving. That's why he reacted like that."

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. It was long enough to get used to not having him around, but the pain is still there... When we found you and it occurred to me you'd lost your memory, I thought that maybe... maybe it was meant to be this way. And then you started to help Papa, and I could talk with you about all the things I haven’t talked about since Steve’s death. Pa seems healthier and happier and I... I quite like you too. Steve, listen to me.” She turned around to face him. Her eyes were full of tears, but she wasn’t crying yet. “I know you’re a fair, proud man. But I’d like you to know that I don’t think you need us. The truth is that we need you! Please, stay with us, will you?”

She looked at him with pleading eyes. This time it was he who turned his gaze away.

“I don’t know...”

“It’s alright, don’t answer now. Just promise me you will think about it.”

“I will.”

“Goodnight then, Steve.”

“Goodnight, Kelly.”

The next morning Thomas Johnson woke up very early after the sleepless night full of memories. His daughter was still asleep, but the man named Steve was already outside, drawing water from the well.

“Good morning!” called Thomas, and the man turned around to face him. “I’d like to apologize to you for yesterday evening.”

“Good morning. And you don’t have to apologize. Kelly told me about your son. I didn’t know she gave me his name. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry too. Are you still sure you want to leave us?”

“Well, I...”

“It’s alright. I just wanted you to know that whatever you decide and wherever you go, there will always be a place for you in this house and in this family.”

“Thank you, sir,” said Steve, moved. “As a matter of fact, I’ve already made up me mind. I’d like to stay here if it's alrigt with you. Your daughter was right, I feel as if it's already my home here, and I don’t have any place to go, anyway.”

“You’re staying with us!” yelled Kelly delightedly as she left the doorway where she'd been standing, listening to their conversation. Without a second's thought, she hugged Steve tightly and kissed his cheeks. Then she stepped back, blushing from embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “But I was so happy you decided to stay here.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m your brother now.” he grinned, and all three burst into laughter.

Chapter 7

“Are you thirsty?”

The day was extremely hot, but despite of it Steve had spent the whole morning fixing the corral fence. Thomas Johnson was in town and Kelly planned to do some sewing inside the house. However, soon she got bored with it, so she was glad she had an excuse to join the man outside.

“Thank you. I'd love to drink something cool.” Steve turned to face her, which made Kelly hold her breath for a second. Because of the heat, he had gotten rid of his shirt, and now she noticed his broad chest and strong muscles. He was so handsome!

What’s going on with me, she thought, angry with herself. I'm supposed to treat him like my brother, and now I’m staring at him as if it was the first time I've ever seen a shirtless man!

Kelly suspected he must have noticed her blush, but he didn’t say anything. He reached for the cup and Kelly shivered when their touched for a moment. She noticed that while he was drinking, he kept on staring at her in a strange way. When he gave her the empty cup she quickly muttered her excuse and almost ran back to the house. Inside, she leaned towards the cool wall, breathing heavily.

That evening, they were both sitting together at the kitchen table. Kelly was doing her best to keep a conversation going, but she finally gave up and became silent. She hoped Steve wouldn’t notice her unusual behavior, but he did.

“Kelly, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, why?”

“You are very quiet today. It’s not like you.”

“Usually I speak too much, you should be glad that today I gave you the chance to speak.”

“Didn’t I tell you I like listening to you? And I’m still waiting for the answer, what is wrong with you?”

“Nothing is wrong. I’m just in a kind of melancholic mood.”

“Then maybe I should get melancholic too?” He smiled and winked at her which made her feel so warm inside. “Look what I’ve found in my bedroom.” He took a small object out of his pocket.

“A harmonica?” she asked, surprised. “Steve used to play for us sometimes.”

“Do you want me to play for you?”

“Can you play it?” Was it possible he remembered something like this?

“I think so.” She looked puzzled, so he explained, “I don’t remember it, just like I don’t remember anything else. But it seems somehow familiar to me, and I think I could give it a try.”

“Then do it.” She encouraged him, glad there was something to distract her from all her unwanted thoughts.

Steve moved the tiny instrument to his lips and started to play. First there were only a few separate sounds. Then he smiled, took a deep breath and played a beautiful melody. Kelly closed her eyes, letting the music flow inside her head. For a short moment, she was sure it was her brother sitting here, playing like he used to do almost every evening. She was surprised when she opened her eyes and saw the stranger in her brother’s place.

“Was it melancholic enough?” he asked with a smile.

She smiled too, not fully awoken from her vision.

“What is the name of that song?” she asked. “I’ve never heard it before. If you remember it, of course.”

“Yeah, I do. It’s called Endless Road.”

“Sounds pretty melancholic.” She gave a soft laugh. “Can you sing it?”

“Sure. Close your eyes and listen.”

“Every road I see,
leads away from me.
There's not a single one
that leads me home.

The road keeps saying, friend,
Come see what's 'round the bend.
So is it any wonder that I roam?

All the places that I've been,
keep callin' me back again.
And down the pines, I hear the cold wind blow.
My heart keeps telling me,
footloose and fancy free.
And the road goes by and calls me as it goes.

Well, maybe there's a someone,
waiting there with a smile.
And maybe that's a someplace,
you can stop and rest awhile.

'Cause maybe you weren't meant to be,
just a rolling stone.
And maybe there's a road to travel on,
that leads you back to home.

But, I'll keep a travelin' on.
Keep on lookin' at the dawn.
Till I can lay this lonesome body down.
And when that day has come,
I never more will roam.
And every road I see,
Will lead me home.”

This time the vision didn’t repeat. The man sitting next to her had a different voice than her brother. Different, and much better, she had to admit. She could listen to that velvet baritone all day long.

“Beautiful.” She whispered when he had finished. “Sing something else?” she asked him.

“No way. I’ve shown you my musical talents, now it’s your turn,” grinned Steve.

“You want me to sing? I can’t!” protested Kelly.

“Come on, everybody can sing. Just some people do it more or less off key.”

Kelly laughed out loud.

“Alright. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

She started to sing the only song she really knew by heart and liked, Early One Morning. Her mother had taught her the song many years ago. It was one of so few things she remembered from her early childhood.

Steve listened to her voice in silence for a while, then raised the harmonica to his lips and started to accompany her.

When the song was finished they both burst into laughter.

“You’re not that bad,” commented Steve.

“But it means I’m not that good too, doesn’t it?” Kelly giggled. To her surprise she didn’t feel embarrassed. What’s more, for the first time in her life she really enjoyed singing and she was grateful to this man for that. “If I sing another one, I’ll make you run off for the kitchen.”

“I’m going to risk it,” he grinned.

They spent the whole evening singing and joking. Kelly didn’t remember when she had felt so happy and relaxed last. What did this man have to make her feel so well?

She realized it a few days later.

The day was rather cold and the sky was cloudy, but it didn’t rain. Probably because of the weather, Mr. Johnson didn’t feel very well that day, so Steve, for the first time, had to go to the town alone. In early afternoon, the gray clouds were replaced by those dark and heavy. A few minutes later, Kelly heard the first distant thunders and soon they were followed by streams of water.

Kelly was standing at the window, observing the hell behind it. Very often she turned around to look at the hands of the old clock, that were moving at an extremely slow pace. Suddenly, the lightning hit the ground very close to the Johnson’s barn, and Kelly shivered, but she didn’t leave the window.

“Don’t worry, child. He’ll be back when the storm ends, “ said Tom Johnson when his daughter glued her face to the window again.

It was then she realized why she was so nervous. Although the man had only been with them for a few weeks, she already couldn’t imagine her life without his presence. And now she knew it wasn't because he took the place of her lost brother. The feelings she had towards him were far distant from brotherly love.

She finally left the window, realizing there was no point in staring into the darkness. The storm had ended, but the rain was still very thick. Her father tried to convince her that Steve probably found shelter and would spend the night there, but Kelly stubbornly refused to go to bed.

A few hours later, they finally heard a horse enter the yard. They both rushed to the door, but it opened before they could reach it to reveal Steve, wet and muddy but smiling.

“Sorry it took me so long,” he grinned, seeing they had both waited for him.

Kelly ran to him and hugged him tight.

“I was so worried about you!” she whispered.

“Kelly, let me go. You’ll get wet too!” he protested.

“It’s nothing. I’m so happy you’re alive.” She began to sob.

“Kelly, please. Everything’s fine.” He hugged her too, trying to calm her.

Suddenly she realized his lips were dangerously close to hers. Without a second’s thought, she raised her head a bit and kissed him deeply. Shocked, he gently pushed her away.

“Kelly, please...” he started.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She looked into his eyes and to her surprise, she discovered there the reflection of her own feelings, although much better hidden.

“Steve, don’t you feel the same way?” she asked with hope. She felt his hands tighten on her forearms, much stronger than needed.

“It doesn’t matter!” he hissed.

He finally let her go and turned away. Following him, Kelly noticed her father had tactfully left the room and she was grateful for that.

“Why?” she asked quietly.

“Don’t push me, please I can’t... I...”

“You what?” She didn’t give up.

“I don’t even know who I am!” he exclaimed.

“What does it matter?”

“I may be an outlaw. I may even be a murderer!”

“I will never believe that, and you shouldn’t either!”

“Why?” Suddenly, he started to look very tired, as if he was struggling with something that was overwhelming him.

“You’re a good man, Steve. I can see that. You’ve lost your memory, but not your personality,” she tried to convince him.

“Alright then, I’m not a murderer. What if I’m already married? What if I have children who are right now wondering where I am?”

“But you didn’t have a wedding ring!” It didn’t sound as sure as the previous arguments.

He snorted and shrugged. Not sure what to do, she came closer to him and whispered his name.

“I’m sorry.” His words surprised her. “I’m sorry, Kelly,” he repeated. “I’m lost...”

“It’s alright. Let’s forget about it. Goodnight, Steve.” She left, quickly enough to prevent him from seeing her tears.

~*~

“But I was stubborn,” Kelly continued her story. “Two months later we were married.”

“And how did Adam get to Virginia City?” asked Roy Coffee.

It took Kelly a while to realize who he was talking about.

“One day a man stopped at our farm to water his horse. He said he had met Steve, I mean he had met you in Virginia City. He knew you had lived there, but he didn’t know your name. You thought that maybe you’d finally find out who you really were. I wanted to go with you, but my father wasn't feeling very well, and I decided to stay with him, so you went to Virginia City alone. ”

Adam didn’t react, so Roy continued questioning her.

“And you didn’t worry he didn’t even write to you?”

“Well, I... Soon after Steve... I mean... You know... So, soon after he had left, my father fell very ill. I sent a letter to him, I mean to my husband, but I didn’t worry too much that he didn’t answer it. I was sure he was too busy looking for his identity and later... I had more important problems just then. My father died... “ She stopped for a while and she didn’t continue until she was sure she wouldn’t burst into tears. “ My father had debts... I didn’t even realize how big. When he died they took our land. I went to my friend, who sent another message to my husband for me, but I didn’t wait for an answer. I left our things in Sylvie’s house and came here. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but I was so broken down... I needed to see my...” She stopped. “You know the rest,” she finished.

There was silence. Kelly gathered her courage and looked directly at Adam. It was so strange for her to look at the man she knew so well and yet she didn’t know at all. Was it possible he didn’t remember her? It was, she knew it. Just like earlier he hadn’t remembered his past. Ever since the sheriff had told her who Steve really was and what had happened to him, she tried to convince herself it was better for him. She knew she should be happy he recalled his name and everything from his past, he had come back to his family, to his real home. But still, it hurt her so much, to know she was a complete stranger to him. She looked into his eyes and didn’t find anything familiar there, no love, no resemblance, only shock and disbelief. Well, it was natural, wasn’t it? She felt tears gathering in her eyes.

“If you don’t have any more questions, I’d like to go back to the hotel and rest. I’m very tired after my journey. You can always find me there.” She started for the door.

She surprised them. Adam and his brother didn’t react. Roy was the only one who managed to catch her in the doorway.

“Thank you very much, Mrs. Johnson. We...” he stopped, not sure what to say.

Kelly nodded, realizing he must have seen she was almost crying.

“Goodbye,” she whispered before quickly turning away.

When the door closed behind her, she finally let the tears flow down her cheeks. She was almost running the whole way back to the hotel. She stopped for a moment in the lobby to catch her breath. Suddenly, the world started spinning around her, the ground got dangerously close. She lost consciousness.

Some time later Kelly opened her eyes to see a strange face above her.

“What’s happened?” she whispered.

“Lie still, my dear. You’ve lost consciousness for a while. I’m doctor Paul Martin.”

“Kelly Johnson. Why did I pass out? Is it something serious?”

“Well, it’s not dangerous.” He smiled.

“What do you mean?” She sat up.

“Well, congratulations, Mrs. Johnson. You’re pregnant.”

“Oh God,” she moaned and closed her eyes.

KatieC

Chapter 8

Adam stopped on the second floor of the hotel and looked around with hesitation. He found the right door and raised his hand to knock, but before he was able to, the door opened and doctor Martin appeared.

“Adam!” he exclaimed with surprise. “Are you looking for Mrs. Johnson?”

“Yes, I am... Is something wrong with her?”

“No, not exactly. Is she a friend of yours?”

“Sort of.”

“Well, so you can congratulate her. She’s going to become a mother in a few months! Now, will you excuse me? I have another patient waiting for me.” And he left Adam standing alone in the corridor.

His thoughts were whirling in his head as he mechanically reached for the handle to prevent the door from closing completely. Then he realized where he was and stopped to knock softly on the door frame.

“You may come in, I’ve already heard you,” called Kelly from inside, so Adam slowly entered the room.

Kelly was lying on a sofa, leaning on a pile of pillows. She looked pale, yet still very beautiful. Adam felt he didn't know what to do. It didn’t happen to him very often, and the awareness of it made him feel even more uncomfortable.

Kelly looked at the man and sighed.

“So, you already know,” she stated.

“Yeah.” He wasn’t sure what he should say. He still couldn’t believe this strange woman was his wife, and what's more, that she was carrying his child now. It seemed like a good romance book, but never like reality.

“You don’t believe me?” guessed Kelly.

“No. I mean...” he stopped for a while.

Kelly used the moment of silence and suggested,

“Before you say what you mean maybe you would sit down?”

“Thank you.” Adam half smiled and took the seat she offered him. “Mrs. Johnson...” he started, but she cut in again.

“Please, call me Kelly.” She tried to avoid looking straight at Adam. “It will be almost like nothing has changed.” Kelly felt the tears gather in her eyes again. It was so hard to believe she was a total stranger to him.

This was the moment when Adam realized that the whole situation was a complete shock not only for him, but for her as well. He begun to wonder what she must have felt when she realized the man she married didn’t remember her.

“Steve,” Adam! His real name is Adam! “if you want proof...”

“I didn’t say I don’t believe you.”

“But I know you don’t have any reason to believe me.”

“Look, the last thing I remember is walking on that desert, having no hope I’d ever see any other human being again. I don’t have any reason to not believe your story about finding me there. I should thank you for saving my life. “

“But do you believe also that I’m your wife?”

“Yes. I do.” It was true even though it was not like him to believe something like that so easily, but when he looked into those frank green eyes, he was sure that Kelly wasn’t lying to him. “And Kelly, I’m sorry for my previous reaction. It was kind of a shock to me.”

“Reaction? You didn’t react at all!” She smirked.

“That’s what I’m sorry for. I shouldn’t have...”

“Oh, stop it! Always the same. Why do you always have to worry about what you should do, not about what you want to do?”

“It seems you’re saying I wanted to ignore you.” This time it was Adam who smirked. He had noticed the way she said the last sentence. It was so wife-like he hardly restrained himself from giggling.

“Why shouldn’t you? You don’t even know me!”

“I don’t remember you. There is a difference.”

“Steve... I mean Mr. Cartwright...”

“Adam,” he corrected her.

“Alright, Adam, I don’t want you to feel that you’re responsible for me.”

“Of course I am responsible for you. You’re my wife!” And the mother of my child. He didn’t dare to say it out loud.

“No, you were never responsible for me! You cared for me, but it was because of love, not responsibility. And I can take care of myself!” Love! He doesn’t even remember he has ever loved me!

Adam guessed what she was thinking about. Without looking at her, he said quietly,

“I’m sorry, Kelly. I’m sorry I don’t remember that I loved you. But if you give me a chance I may recall it all.” She didn’t answer, so he came closer to her and said, ”I’d be glad if you agreed to come to the Ponderosa with me. Kelly, will you let me take care of you and the child?”

First she wanted to refuse, but then she realized she didn’t have any other choice. The rest of the money that was left for her wasn’t enough to live, and now when she was pregnant, she couldn't find a job. She knew how hard it would be for her to live with this man and forget about everything that once had been between them, to meet him every day and treat him like a stranger, even though all her senses yearned for him.

“I’ll do everything to make you happy, I promise.”

You can’t, she thought, you’re the only thing that can make me happy, and yet the only thing I can’t have.

Seeing her hesitate, Adam continued,

“Ponderosa is a big ranch. I live there with my father and two younger brothers, Hoss and Little Joe and our Chinese cook, Hop Sing. I’m sure you’ll like them. We have a big house, so you’ll have a lot of space for yourself.

Enough to avoid meeting you?

But listening to him, Kelly knew she couldn’t refuse. Not for her own, but for their child’s sake. Steve had everything to give the child the best life it could have, and she didn't have any right to refuse it that. So finally she said yes.

~*~

Kelly’s fears that the Cartwrights would hate her had disappeared soon after she met them. She suspected that Hoss, who had gone to the Ponderosa earlier, had already told his father who she was, and now Ben and Little Joe welcomed her very warmly. It took her some time to get used to the Ponderosa and its inhabitants, but after a few weeks it started feeling like home to her

Ben Cartwright was very different from Kelly’s father, and yet he resembled him very much. He believed her immediately and showed her so much kindness and compassion, for which she was very grateful. Although the Cartwright brothers could tell long stories about their father’s strictness, for Kelly, he was a kind and tactful man. Not only did she like and respect him very much, but also very quickly she started treating him like her own father. Joe and Hoss still couldn’t stop laughing every time one of them recalled the evening Kelly had scolded Ben for spending half the night on some paperwork and almost ordered him to go to bed, which, to everyone's surprise, he obeyed.

Hoss Cartwright became Kelly’s best friend since her first day on the Ponderosa. He immediately guessed what she was going through, and before she managed to stop herself, told him all about her feelings. Hoss understood her very well and many times when she thought she wasn’t able to bear it any longer, she could cry on his shoulder and talk abut all that was eating away at her.

The biggest problem Kelly had was making friends with Little Joe. The youngest Cartwright, although polite, treated her with coldness. Hoss explained to her that since Adam came back Joe was trying to protect him from everything around them, still full of guilt that he had let his brother leave Eastgate alone. Although the time slowly healed his feeling of guilt, it wasn’t hard for Kelly to guess that Joe was afraid she would hurt his big brother, and she had to admit he didn’t have any reason to trust her. Luckily, with time their relationship became warmer, but the reserve remained there for a long time.

The worst thing was with Adam, though. She learned to call the man by his real name, but in her thoughts he remained Steve for good. He was very kind to her, caring and considerate, but very often Kelly could feel the unsureness and nervousness in his behavior. She understood it perfectly, even though it added even more pain to her suffering. Sometimes she liked to stare at him and imagine it was her old Steve again, but every time she looked into his eyes, his emotions visible there reminded her that everything had changed. She knew that this reserve was, in a big way, her fault. No matter how hard she tried to hide them, her feelings were obvious to Adam, and she was sure they made him feel even more uncomfortable. So many things in this man reminded her of their previous life, his appearance, his voice and behavior. Sometimes the simplest thing he said or did could make her run away in tears. She was angry with herself for her reactions, but she couldn’t help it. The man she loved was so close and yet he was out of her reach. He was so familiar, and at the same time, so strange. She had never been so sensitive before, so she suspected it was her pregnancy that made her behave that way. Finally, she ended up doing everything she could to avoid Adam during the whole day, and even during the meals she tried to ignore him the most she could without being impolite. There weren’t too many moments they had natural, longer talks with each other.

~*~

Kelly was sitting on the front porch, staring at the sundown, when she heard somebody leave the house. She turned away and saw Adam with a guitar in his hand.

“Maybe I lost my memory, but sure not my good taste,” he said with a grin.

“What do you mean by that?” she smiled slyly, already suspecting what the answer would be.

“You’re a beautiful woman, Kelly.” Admiration in his eyes was so obvious Kelly began to feel as if nothing had changed at all. He was still the same man she married, smart, handsome and, as it seemed, still attracted to her. It was so easy to forget that he didn’t remember anything that was between them.

“Am I?” she asked jokingly. “Will you say it in a few weeks, when I start to look like an elephant? Will you still lo...” She stopped, realizing what she had almost said. She turned her gaze and noticed the guitar in his hand. “Do you play that too?” she asked to cover her previous words.

“Yes, I do. Hey, I remember you said I played harmonica for you, right?”

“Yeah, you did. And you sang, for example Endless Road or Early One Morning...”

“What else?” he asked curiously as he sat next to her.

“What would you like to know?”

“I don’t know.... Everything. Tell me about us, about our life.”

“Well, we weren’t very rich, but we were happy. You helped Papa run our farm. You introduced a few great innovations. I even joked once that you must have graduated from some great eastern school. Funny, isn’t it? I guessed it, just like I guessed you worked on a ranch. You knew so much about ranching business. Evenings we would usually spend together in the kitchen, all three of us. I did some sewing or something similar to that, Papa smoked his pipe and you read or played your harmonica for us. Sometimes we’d play some chess or sing together. Papa usually went to bed early, leaving us two alone...” Dangerous area again, Kelly thought and she quickly changed the subject. “I’ve never heard you playing guitar. Could you play something for me?”

“Maybe I could.” He smiled, reached for the instrument and began a song.

"Come all ye fair and tender ladies
Be careful how you court young men
They're like a star on a summer morning
They will first appear and then they're far away

They'll tell to you some loving story
To make you think that they love you true
And then they'll go and court some other
Oh that's the love that they have for you

I wish I had known before I courted
That love had been so hard to gain
I'd locked my heart in a box of golden
And tied it up with a silver line"

Kelly didn’t wait for him to finish. When she heard that verse, she ran away, crying.

Since that day, Kelly concentrated on remembering that the situation had changed for good and that she should never forget herself like that again. Adam, on the other hand, tried to be even more cautious with Kelly, afraid that, unconsciously, he would hurt her like that again. Without fully realizing it, they both built a thick wall between them, both not sure how to behave to not cause more pain to each other and to themselves. With time, they became more and more strange to one another, stranger even than they were at first. Kelly concentrated so much on protecting herself from loving Steve, that she slowly forgot that it was Adam now, and he could fall in love with her again. Adam felt so guilty from the fact that he was causing Kelly’s pain by not remembering the love he should feel for her, that he didn’t realize he was getting more and more attracted to her. It took them many weeks to talk again about something different from health, weather and politics.

Hoss and Joe were in Reno that day, and Ben was away on one of his business trips, so Kelly was forced to ask Adam to take her to town. He wasn’t very happy that she wanted to travel in her state, but she managed to convince him that she needed a few things she had to choose by herself. Joe joked once that she had some kind of magical power able to make everybody do what she wanted. And there was a grain of truth in that. In spite of the famous Cartwright stubbornness, she rarely had any problems convincing them to do something she wanted, even if it was against their will.

And now Adam, who didn’t want her to go into town, was driving a buggy and discussing with his wife the details of the new child’s room design. It had been one of the avoided subjects till that day, but a few days earlier was Kelly’s birthday, and Hoss and Joe had given her a wooden cradle they carved themselves. Now Kelly and Adam both decided that since it might be her last trip to Virginia City for some time, it was the right moment to collect a few other things the baby would need.

“I was thinking about buying some fabric for the new curtains. Don’t you think that pink would be great?”

“I don’t think the boy would like pink curtains,” answered Adam with a grin.

“How can you be so sure it’s going to be a boy?” asked Kelly jokingly.

“The same way you’re so sure it’s going to be a girl.”

“I didn’t say it.”

“But you chose pink fabric for curtains. It means you think it will be a girl,” Adam argued, laughing. “Did you plan the name for her too?”

“I was thinking about ‘Elizabeth’. It was my mother’s name.” answered Kelly seriously.

“Mine too.”

“And if it’s a boy?”

“I’m not sure if you’ll like it, but I was thinking about Steve.” suggested Adam.

“It’s very nice of you. I was thinking about Eric.”

“Very nice of you too.” Adam laughed again. “So it’s all set, ‘Stephen Eric Cartwright’.”

“Or ‘Elizabeth Cartwright’. I like it.” She laughed too.”Get back to the curtains. Let me guess, so you want blue?”

“Nope. It won’t match the furniture.”

“Ah. It seems you don’t have such bad taste after all.”

“I’ve already told you I’ve always had great taste.”

“Yeah. I believe it.” She couldn’t remember when last she laughed so hard. It was so strange to sit here with that man, joking and laughing so naturally. But she liked it. She felt so easy, happy and relaxed.

“Like you said, back to the curtains. What about red?” suggested Adam.

“I like that idea,” agreed Kelly and without any reason they burst into laughter again.

It was that moment they both realized how much they enjoyed talking with each other. And it gave Kelly the courage to ask Adam something she had been curious about for a long time.

“Adam, can I ask you something?” she started cautiously.

“Sure, what?”

“I was wondering if you remember what happened to you before we found you in that desert?”

Adam pulled the reins, making the horses stop.

“Yes. I remember,” he answered quietly. The image of Peter Kane, still fresh and very realistic, appeared in his head. Kelly noticed Adam shiver, and she gently took his hand in hers. She blushed, realizing what she had just done, but Adam seemed not to notice it, lost in his thoughts. Kelly didn’t stop the silence, waiting for him to say something more. After a few minutes, she was almost sure he wouldn’t say anything and she was about to start another subject, when suddenly Adam began to speak.

Before he realized what he was doing, he told her the whole story about Kane. He told her how he had been robbed and left alone to die from thirst, how he had met Kane, trusted him and made a deal with him. He spoke of Kane's madness, his will to prove Adam he was a better man. For the first time he found the courage to say how Kane tried to humiliate him, to make him like an animal, kill like an animal. He admitted to Kelly that there had been a moment he was so close to doing it, that Kane had almost succeeded, that he had finally made Adam want to kill. He told Kelly how often he had killed himself with thoughts, trying to decide whether he had failed completely or not. He had attacked Kane, feeling a rage he had never felt before, but eventually he had tried to save the man, not for him, but for himself, to prove himself that he was still a human. Had he proved it? The answer to that question still wasn’t clear for him.

Kelly didn’t cut Adam off. She just sat there, and as the story continued, her grip tightened on Adam's hand.

Adam surprised himself that he had told Kelly about everything he had gone through. Telling about everything he had been hiding for so long was even easier for him than he’d thought it would be. And when he finished, he felt such a great relief as if a great burden had been removed from his shoulders.

Even when he finished Kelly didn’t speak. And she didn’t have to. Adam realized it looking into her big, expressive eyes. She understood him, his pain and hesitation, his emotions and doubts, and he felt as if she absolved him. For the first time in a long time he felt free. Words weren’t needed there. In silence he urged the horses to move.

That night he had the nightmare for the last time. But this time Kane’s devilish laugh slowly faded away and suddenly his crazy eyes were replaced by a pair of those in a bright shade of green. The eyes he knew so well... The image of Kane disappeared and never came back again.

That day made Adam and Kelly much closer to each other. They finally gave up their attempts to avoid each other. The strong bond of friendship replaced the wall that had been previously built between them.

Epilogue

The sun was low above the horizon when Adam Cartwright rode into the front yard. After the day of hard work, all he dreamed of was a bath and a hot meal, but when he saw a familiar carriage in front of the house, he knew he’d have to wait for them. Although they all had been expecting this to happen very soon, he couldn’t help a cold shiver go down his spine when Hoss told him that the youngest Cartwright was on its way out.

“Don’t worry, big brother. Doc is with her. She’s going to be alright,” said Hoss, when he saw how pale Adam went.

“Yes, she’ll be alright,” repeated Adam mechanically. He looked at his father and the first thing he thought was, Is it the same thing they told Pa when I was born and Ma was dying? Ignoring the fact that his family was looking worriedly at him , he slowly walked to the fireplace and sat in the blue chair. He heard his father say something to him, but he didn’t respond. He thought how it would be if something happened to Kelly. He couldn’t imagine it. In spite of the problems they had in the beginning, Kelly had become someone very important to him. During the last few months he had gotten used to having her around, to her dreamy voice, her sparkling green eyes, and the soft laugh that recently they could hear much more often than before. Kelly had become his best friend, he enjoyed her company, the talks they shared. But now he realized he hadn’t even known how important she was to him. And now she was there, in a small room upstairs that belonged to his dead stepmother, giving birth to his child. Was there really a risk he could loose her? So many women, older and weaker than her, had gone through it more than once. But then on the other hand was his mother, young and strong, who hadn’t survived giving birth to her first child. What if Kelly wasn’t that strong at all? Adam recalled the moment that happened many years ago.

He was standing at Inger’s grave, the tears were gathering in his eyes, but he struggled against them, knowing he couldn't cry. Right beside him was his father, kneeling with his head bent down, as if all the world’s burden was cast on his shoulders. Suddenly, the vision blurred and then it was him kneeling there in his father’s place, and next to him stood a strange boy with an unbelievable sorrow written on his face. Suddenly, the boy turned to him and Adam could finally see his eyes. They were big and green, so familiar to him...

“Adam! Adam, wake up, son!”

“What?” Shocked, he looked around.

“You dozed off for a while,” explained his father.

“Congratulations, Adam. You have a daughter,” added doctor Martin with a wide smile.

“And Kelly? How is she?” he asked impatiently, still trying to get rid of his dream.

“She’s fine. They both are. You may see them now.”

He nodded and almost run upstairs. Before he reached Kelly’s room, he had heard Joe saying,

“I think that Kelly is more important to him than he tells us. Maybe even more than he realizes it himself.”

You’re right, little brother, thought Adam as he reached for the handle to the bedroom door.

“I’d like to introduce to you Miss Elizabeth Cartwright,” said Kelly with a smile. Although tired and a bit pale, to Adam she looked like an angel.

“She’s beautiful,” he whispered, looking at the tiny creature lying in her mother’s arms.

“Take her. She looks just like you, anyway,” giggled Kelly, passing the baby to him.

“Hello, Miss Cartwright,” whispered Adam as he lifted the baby. “She has your eyes, “ he noticed, when little Elizabeth looked at him. But a few seconds later, the baby, who probably felt that a stranger was holding her, began to cry, and Adam quickly handed her back to her mother.

“Men, you’re always the same. Play with a child and show it to your friends, while all the hard work you leave for us,” laughed Kelly. She hugged the baby and began to murmur something softly till it finally calmed down.

“Kelly, I’d like to tell you something,” said Adam seriously.

“I’m all ears, then,” the wide smile didn’t leave Kelly’s lips.

Not sure how to begin, Adam stood up and walked to the window. He looked through it for a while, then he finally turned back to Kelly and started to speak.

“Kelly, I’m afraid I will never recall the time we met and fell in love with each other.”

“It doesn’t matter, really,” she answered softly. And suddenly she realized it was true. She finally understood that Steve was gone for good, but it didn’t matter to her any more. Adam was there now, and he could make her the happiest woman in the world. But did she really mean something to him?

“Please, let me finish.”

She just nodded.

“Like I said, I probably won’t recall anything, but it doesn’t matter to me. During the last few months you've become someone very important to me. And today when I was waiting down there and I thought I might loose you... I cannot imagine my life without you any more. I love you, Kelly. The man you married doesn’t exist, but maybe you have some feelings for me, the real me, too?”

“I do," she answered. "I spent the last months praying you would love me, but now I realize I didn’t mean the man I married and lost, but you, Adam. I don’t know when it started, but it doesn’t really matter. I love you. Now I know it for sure.”

“Kelly,” he whispered and hugged her gently.

Slowly, their lips met in a long and passionate kiss.

Little Elizabeth Cartwright screamed loudly, announcing to the whole world that she was the one that should be thanked for the happiness of her parents. In that moment a new life began for all of them.

THE END

Ewelina

Kiedy ja to zdążę przeczytać Sad

Tyle tekstu! Chyba mam zajęcie na cale wakacje Smile

zorina13

Nie wiem czy wszystko dobrze zrozumiałam ale Adam bedąc w amezji poślubił jakoś dziewczynę ?
I bardzo szcześliwe zakończenie.

Ewelina

Oglądając kolejne odcinki doszłam do wniosku, że jedynie będąc w tym stanie zdoła kogoś poślubić. Oczywiście, gdy amnezji dostaną również scenarzyści. Ale opowiadanie wygląda na interesujące, tylko tyle tych słówek Smile

zorina13

Adam to nie Joe -on czeka na kogoś wyjątkowego ,dlatego nie śpieszy się z ożenkiem.

KatieC

Dobrze zrozumiałaś Wink

mam teraz ambicje przetłumaczyć to na polski, żeby ułatwić wam robotę, ale nawet nie mam czasu na razie, pomijając już fakt, że właśnie tłumacze moje teksty z innego fandomu na angielski, więc na razie będziecie musiały się pomęczyc z tym tekstem w oryginale (jeśli macie ochotę oczywiście Wink

)

Ewelina

Ochotę mamy wielką, ale czasu mniej. AMG litowala się nade mną i dzieliła swoje utwory na krótsze fragmenty, żebym zdołała na jednym "posiedzeniu przeczytać i zrozumieć. Ty dałaś długie rozdziały. Nie wiem, może poczekam na tłumaczenie, bo nie wiem, kiedy będę miała tyle czasu, żeby posiedzieć i przeczytać. Myślę oczywiście o porządnym, rzetelnym przetłumaczeniu nieznanych słówek i dokładnym zrozumieniu tekstu.